Mickey Avalon
The Crocodile, Seattle, Wa
05.15.14
Next Sunday’s church service is doomed to be especially long after Thursday night’s show at the Crocodile. Very, very long, and guilt-ridden. Even the most devout will be compelled to buy a longer rosary to shake it off. It’s ok though, honey, it happens to everyone at some point. The looming question for the water cooler tomorrow: did we find that special someone? From top to bottom, the Mickey Avalon show was a wild ride that lasted for, well, more than ten minutes. Get it, Mickey.
I’ll eradicate any doubts you may have about this article being sprinkled with sexually charged, dick-oriented jokes, which may or may not slap you in the face. Eventually you won’t be so uptight, but don’t continue unless you’re comfortable. We wouldn’t want you doing anything you didn’t want to do.
In a somewhat flaccid, empty apology, I’m going to go out on a fifth limb and say that the Seattle crowd may have been more than Avalon bargained for. He is certainly the ringleader of his circus, so don’t become confused about who is holding the whip. Tonight, his circus was Seattle; however, the fans showed up ready to fill the hole between the door and the stage. Remixed by DJ Doc Swift, Avalon sauntered onto the stage to Tony Basil’s hit Mickey, with two of Seattle’s finest and most scantily-clad dancers attached to each arm. The crowd roared as he gunned his set with Waiting to Die. Beginning with his hat and a form-fitting leather jacket, his clothes began to disappear along with the crowd’s sense of decency. The Crocodile was heating up.
Never missing a single beat, Avalon played hits like So Rich, So Pretty, I Get Even, Mr. Brownstone, and Jane Fonda. Fans pushed and pulled as they reached out for high fives and handshakes from a single arm waving around on stage. Then the real show began…
Holding a sign offering stage dancing services, a pair of tall, slender blonde twins took the stage. Beer-soaked wrestling ensued, to even the shock and awe of Avalon. For the remainder of the show, the Seattle crowd was, well, crazy; from choke-out catfights to slithering around on stage, to poor pit-jumping choices, each song just wound them up more. His performance was flawless and captivating, perfectly in step with DJ Doc Swift’s beats as he shimmied around with his mic in tow. Avalon’s calm composure during the Seattle fan’s antics was admirable as he never once stopped the show, but instead embraced it as a natural link in the chain. No time to dick around.
Wait, let me renege that. Avalon will always find time to dick around, and tonight, that was at the end of the set. The encore was his battle anthem hit My Dick. The verses that were normally sung by Andre Legacy and Dirt Nasty were covered by the crowd, and man, they were on My Dick.
Starting the party off right was Washington native’s Deadly D, a rapper duo hailing from Bellingham, who are out promoting their most recent album, Somewhere In Between. Next in line was Tacoma’s own hardcore rapper, Dan Valdes, aka Dirty D. He was successful at revving up the crowd with a live drummer, a dancing dj, and of course his mascot – a man in a rooster suit. The big cock was distracting though, albeit in a good way, as they went about promoting their current album Shock the Monkey.
If you ever find yourself with the option of going to see Mickey Avalon, you should definitely go. Just make sure to duct tape anything of value to your person, and of course bring your singing voice. If you by chance own any rooster suits, take your cock with you as well.
Review by T. Monte
Photos by Sunny Martini
Mickey Avalon
